How many times have we said, “I will never behave the way my mother did,” referring to certain behaviors that may have brought pain, shame, or rejection into our lives? We are so quick to judge and speak about the woman who carried us in her womb for nine months, and who, with pain and even fear, gave us life. But there is a saying that goes, “What is judged is repeated,” and not because of bad luck, but because what we judge in others is also in us. When we see the mistakes of others, we don't realize that we are seeing our own and are simply projecting them like a mirror. Even more so when it comes to our mother, since from her we have inherited not only chromosomal genetic information, such as physical traits, but also non-coding information, which is responsible for emotional traits such as fear, trauma, unspoken pain, and personality. And that is how we become what we swore we would never be. And this teaches us a great lesson, a lesson we must humbly understand and learn: that while our mother made mistakes, it was because she too has a history, she too inherited information from her mother that remained in her mind, in her subconscious, and that was transmitted mostly unintentionally to her generations.

It wasn't that Mom wanted to hurt us with her words that made us feel belittled; it was that she was hurt by the words she heard and that were engraved on her heart as a child. It wasn't that our mother wanted to distance herself from us; it's that the wound of abandonment she suffered distanced her from those she loves most. It wasn't that she left us without caring what happened to us.  She carried the responsibility of supporting us and raising us on her shoulders, having learned to care for others from a young age. It wasn't that she was cold and distant; it's that she may not have received the warmth and love that would have softened her actions and treatment of others.  We often feel entitled to talk about her, and even to be angry with her, because we don't know her story, the story of a difficult and painful childhood, which she has kept silent and carried as a great burden in her heart, a story that is nothing more than the cycle of patterns that  They are repeated unconsciously, but what is still hidden reveals itself in their wounds and bad decisions, in the pain reflected in their eyes, and in the very deep guilt that their heart may harbor, and in the symptoms of his sick body. 

And that's because, when we think   in what our mother may have experienced, in the insecurities she may have felt, the fear and silence due to any abuse, whether physical, mental, or emotional, in the guilt and shame she may have felt for something she did or failed to do, or for what others simply burdened her with, in the lack of affection or rejection she suffered from those who should have loved and cared for her,  It becomes easier to let go of the stone we carry in our hands, which has been ready to be thrown at her, when we blame her for what we think she failed to deliver.  And by dropping that stone to the ground, we stop being her accusers, we stop being those who look at her with disdain and we begin to have empathy and we understand that we in her place would have done the same, and that we have possibly already done so.

Forgiving our mother means forgiving our history, it means letting go of generational burdens and beginning to rewrite a different story. For us and our loved ones, letting go of anger because she didn't love us as we would have liked, or because she didn't do more for us, frees us from repeating the same mistakes. We no longer act from resentment and bitterness, but from understanding and forgiveness, knowing that everyone deserves a second chance. Forgiving our mother is forgiving ourselves, for we come from her, and we too need to free ourselves from our own guilt and fears. Forgiving our mother is making peace with our history and our destiny, if we can call it that, for what we reap or receive is nothing more than what we sow; it is the law of sowing and reaping. By forgiving our mother, we forgive generations before her, we forgive grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and the women who came before us, for today we are a reflection of what they once were or ceased to be. Forgiving our mother allows us to receive God's forgiveness. Through His forgiveness, God has given us a new opportunity, an opportunity to make the changes we need, to sow love in those around us.

Making peace with our mother liberates us and heals us from the patterns we tend to repeat. Instead of seeking blame, we look within ourselves for the responsibility of change, moving beyond the victim mentality and self-pity that only stagnates us, blocks us, and condemns us to repeat what hurts us most. We become dependent on the affection of others, continuing to feel the need to be loved and valued. Taking responsibility for our happiness today means thanking our mother for what she did, for being the instrument God used to give us life, thanking her because throughout her life she did and sought what was best for us, and because in the embrace we give her today, we heal a little of the little girl who still lives within her, waiting to be loved.   

Pastor Raquel Godoy

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