When motherhood arrives, we know very well that we're not ready at all, even if we've read all the books, consulted with experts, watched movies, asked about other people's experiences, etc. I'm sure you weren't ready for what you're experiencing today.

 That new version of her that spends all day thinking about someone else, that version that is worried about what she will cook tomorrow, worried about schoolwork, about whether the child ate all his vegetables or not, I'm sure you didn't see that one coming.

 What I'm telling you above is about gradually adapting to routines, getting to know that new little person who came to change your life, learning to give in, to delegate as women of the house, to ask for help either by hiring someone or by teaming up with the father of your children.

 But that's not what I want to talk about today. I want to focus on that version that echoes in your mind from afar, the one you miss, the one you silently love, that version that sometimes feels like it's in your way, that makes you doubt yourself, that version that would put on high heels on a Friday night without a thought for dinner. That version that lives inside you.

 I, May, mother of two, remember my previous life, very calm, very relaxed, always smiling, my maternal self, knew that I would love life being a mother and so it is, I wouldn't change it for anything, but no less than six months ago I started to see myself in the mirror, with a few gray hairs and I began to remember everything I was before, what makes me miss that woman?, the one who never forgot her perfume and who checked if her curls were in place.

 That woman who was born in 1990, was also born in 1995 when she met her first friends, was born in 2002 when she started menstruating, was born in 2005 when she started liking a boy, in 2010  When she suffered her first heartbreak, in 2015 when she met her future husband, in 2018 when she became a wife, in 2019 when her first child was born, and in 2022 when her second daughter was born, if I see it that way, I have been born many times, in new versions. What is happening this time that makes it more difficult for me to accept and love myself?

 I'm sure you, who are reading this, have experienced many births just like me, maybe even more.

 Going back to the previous question, I could answer some options and see if those answers resonate with you.

1. I don't like my physical appearance.
2. I feel like I don't connect with my children
3. I'm going through a breakup
4. I'm not giving myself the time I deserve.

 The merit, that which was mentioned to me a few months ago and which I thought and believed I had, that which I did not have and which did not allow me to know and recognize  I deserve to smile every day, I deserve help, I deserve to play with my children, I deserve to earn money, I deserve to be a successful mother, I deserve to sleep peacefully, I deserve to enjoy intimacy, I deserve to have fun and wear perfume, I deserve to style my hair and feel beautiful. Everything in motherhood is about deserving, it's that simple and that complicated.

 This time I want to leave you with these small steps or tips so you can start working on deserving yourself, and from there, I assure you, you will begin to love your new version.

1. Acknowledge your history and embrace your present

Write a letter to your past self, thanking her for everything she has experienced. Acknowledge how strong you have been and how each experience has shaped you into the mother you are today.

 2. Create daily affirmations of worthiness

Repeat phrases like:
 "I deserve love and care, just as much as I give to my children."
 "I am enough, exactly as I am."
 "I deserve rest, pleasure, and time for myself."

3. Establish a self-care ritual

Dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to yourself without guilt. It could be a relaxing shower, a warm cup of tea, reading, using essential oils, or simply taking deep, quiet breaths.

4. Learn to ask for and receive help

Being worthy also means allowing others to care for you. Practice asking for support without making excuses or feeling bad. Accept help with gratitude and without guilt.

5. Surround yourself with people who reinforce your value

Identify which relationships make you feel worthy of love and which ones drain your energy. Surround yourself with those who value you and support your journey.

 6. Write a "deservingness journal"

Each day, write down three things you did well as a mom and as a woman. This will help you validate all that you already are and do.

 7. Connect with your inner child

Do an activity you loved as a child (drawing, dancing, playing, singing). Look at yourself with love and give yourself permission to enjoy it as she would.

Remember that you don't need to do all 7 recommendations, it's about starting somewhere, starting slowly and with love for yourself.

I invite you to join my community of moms ready to start loving their new version of themselves as wonderful mothers and women.

Written by:

May Barrera

maybarrera2090@gmail.com

Montessori Stimulation Center