Being a mother of young adults… the stage of my motherhood that I didn't think would come so quickly.

The phrase "being a mother doesn't come with instructions" reflects the reality of motherhood, which is not learned from a manual or a guide, but rather is a learning process through experience in each of the stages.

Being a mother of young adults is a phase of motherhood that involves adaptation and a change of focus. It involves transitioning from raising children in their younger stages to raising individuals who are becoming independent, with new responsibilities and decisions to make.

Now that I'm beginning to experience this stage of motherhood, I want to take advantage of the month in which we celebrate the gift of being mothers to share some of the most relevant discoveries for me at this stage:

A different approach to being a mom

• From direct supervision to less supervision

Young adults, in general, have greater autonomy and require less supervision compared to children or teenagers. However, guidance and emotional support remain important and will be part of your role as a mother for the rest of their lives, and ours. Focus on being the safe place your child can return to whenever needed.

• Communication evolves

Communication with young adults is usually more direct and based on trust. An open and respectful dialogue should be encouraged, where they can express their own opinions and decisions without trying to impose your ideas as a mother. It's normal to fall into the trap of our own ideas and/or expectations of what should be done and how it should be done; however, children are going through an evolutionary process that you have been a part of, and the way you communicate is evolving, but it remains a key pillar in your relationship with them.

• Support in decision-making

Yes, a mother is a great support in her children's decision-making. Mothers are often a source of emotional support, advice, and guidance to help their children navigate important decisions. Although young adults are responsible for their own choices, a mother can offer support and guidance, allowing them autonomy in decision-making. This autonomy is crucial for our children to develop their own decision-making skills. As mothers, we can guide them, but we must also allow them to make their own decisions, even if they are wrong, so they can learn from their mistakes and grow in the process.

• Acceptance of their independence

As mothers, we must be willing to accept our children's independence and respect their choices, even if they don't align with our own expectations. The good news is that learning to be independent doesn't happen overnight; it's a process we've been going through unconsciously, and worrying about their safety, health, and success is normal. But it's precisely at this moment that we must trust in the work we've done as mothers.

• Adjusting expectations

It's important to adjust parenting expectations to our children's current stage of development. As mothers, we must understand that young adults are in the process of building their own lives and may make decisions that aren't perfect, but that will allow them to grow and learn.

Advice for me as a mom

• Let it go, but stay connected

Giving and receiving advice is a way to stay connected, through empathetic and active listening, while also knowing that they can provide feedback when needed. In this era where tools for staying connected abound, I must be intentional about staying connected to my children's hearts.

• Communicate with your mind and heart

Open and honest communication is key, even when some topics are difficult or complex. This is the foundation of a healthy relationship between adults, and both you and your children are adults. Communication spaces should be safe spaces where children can express their feelings, concerns, dreams, and goals without fear of judgment.

• It is taught by example.

Demonstrating empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen to children's problems and joys is key to being a true emotional support, but being a role model comes from interaction; resolving problems and conflicts with respect is key to setting an example, and accepting and apologizing when we are wrong is the secret to teaching our children to resolve conflicts peacefully with others.

• Your support network must also evolve

Sharing experiences and concerns with other mothers of young adults can be helpful in obtaining advice and support.

Benefits of being a mother of young adults:

• They grow, you grow

In this new stage we can learn a lot from our children; they can provide us with new perspectives and knowledge.

• Greater autonomy and free time for all.

In this new situation, young adults have a different kind of schedule, hobbies, and interests. This can give the mother more time to focus on pastimes, new hobbies, and passions. We must find a creative way for everyone to make the most of their time.

• A deeper and closer relationship

The relationship with young adults can become closer if you manage to capture your children's hearts through trust and respect.

In short, being a mother of young adults involves a change in family dynamics, but also an opportunity to grow and build a deeper, closer relationship with your children. As mothers, we must adapt to this new stage, fostering our children's autonomy and emotional support, while remaining role models of respect and trust.

At this point in the journey of motherhood, we are in a different position as mothers; we are sitting on the bench at that next bus stop where we see our adult children move forward in their life's purpose, we see them develop, grow, and embark on new ventures. And as I go through this phase of my motherhood, I ask God with all the strength of my heart to be the safe place where my children will always want to return to celebrate, to cry, and to move forward.

Eloísa Diéguez

Executive and team coach