Part 2

Tips to avoid jealousy, conflicts, arguments and fights

Hi! How are you? Welcome to my column, "From Mom to Multitasker," in Revista Femenina. I'm Andie, and I'm back again to share my experience with homeschooling. I hope you're ready—this month's topic is super interesting!

Are you ready? Because I am…

It's no secret that sibling rivalry is perfectly normal. In fact, several studies indicate that, on average, siblings fight at least five times a day. Believe it or not, it's true… Just pay attention to your children for a day and you'll see I'm right ;) (I confess I had to try it myself to verify the studies, hahaha).

Even if siblings get along wonderfully, they will always fight, but this is where we as parents have to pay attention. It is essential that we are creative and redirect the fights and foster emotional bonds so that these fights do not escalate, causing serious aggression or negative feelings.

I've read a lot about fights… and I want to tell you why it's been such a personal issue for me. I'm the oldest of three sisters; I'm a year and four months older than the second oldest, and the youngest is nine years old. I started out with a very close relationship with my sister, Gabriela, when we were very little. She was my partner in crime and playmate. But not all relationships are happy and last forever.

As a parent and referee in the ring, it's normal to see personality clashes and even minor fights from time to time. I know you've been through something similar… the worst thing you can witness is your children's rivalry with each other. But this is where our role as parents comes in: “The degree of sibling rivalry and its positive or negative consequences will largely depend on what you do about it.” 

Note: Sibling rivalry is not an inevitable consequence of having more than one child.

Next, I'm going to explain some ways to reduce sibling rivalry and help them eventually become friends. If my mom had used these tips when I was little, my relationship with my sisters would definitely be different.

May they always be friends

It's important that the older sibling or only child, when their parents announce they're expecting a baby, begins to familiarize themselves with and get involved with the baby before birth. You should involve your children in every moment of the pregnancy and preparations. It's important that, in addition to letting them feel their mother's kicks, they can also help with grocery shopping and other activities.

Let them come to the hospital and meet their little brother or sister… During this period of pandemic restrictions (which have made hospital visits so difficult), you can make a video call and give a very special introduction once you're in the room with your baby, focusing all attention on the older sibling. This way, they'll feel reassured that nothing will change when they get home.

Making the older brother feel important

One of the questions all parents have is about gifts. Do you think it's important for the older sibling to also receive gifts? No. From my point of view, and it worked perfectly with my daughters, the best approach is for the baby to be introduced as a playmate and confidant when they arrive home. It's the baby who should bring a small, symbolic gift, something meaningful, so the older sibling feels the love is mutual. The baby is also excited to meet the sibling who has been waiting for them at home.

If you have visitors, it's important that your older sibling is attentive. This means you'll make him Mom's little helper. Let him open and try out the baby's gifts so he knows they work. Help your child feel like they belong in the family at all times.

Don't compare

I consider this to be one of the most important and the one that ruined my relationship with my sisters; may my experience serve as a daily warning to you.

Never compare your children because you will be fostering rivalry and a constant struggle for your love and attention. You don't want your children to develop self-esteem problems or to think that they will never be enough.

Thanks to genetics, each of our children comes with different talents and abilities that can complement one another. You also shouldn't compare them to other children, whether they are your children's friends or relatives. Keep in mind that each child is unique and has their own strengths.

1. Provides quality time to each one and as a whole

As parents, we must recognize that we're not octopuses, and that it's essential to spend quality time with each of our children so that each one can feel special with their parents. But there are many activities you can do together: going for walks, cooking together, watching TV series, reading books… There are countless activities you can do with everyone.

But keep in mind that they each need their own time. In my case, I leave my baby in a safe play area while I supervise her, and I help my daughter with her homework and check it. When my little one gets bored, it's time to give her space to work on her own while I play with her, focusing on vocabulary, toys, and so on.

The fact that there is a big age difference between my daughters allows me to have moments with each one and enjoy them.

Boredom

It can also be a recurring cause of sibling rivalry, so you'll need to pay attention to what happens right before a fight breaks out. You should consider your children's ages and personalities. My daughters are restless, and the idea of ​​leaving them alone for a little while to play... well, it's not something I consider very much because they end up making a mess and getting into mischief. So, here I am writing this article for you while playing ball with my baby to keep him occupied.

1. Make sure everyone has enough personal space

Children shouldn't share everything, especially if they don't want to. If they share a room, try to ensure each child has their own personal space and that they both know where their things are. When they're little, the issue of toy exclusivity is a big challenge. But you can teach them to borrow their sibling's toy, thus instilling sharing and preventing fights.

Help them to be a good team

It is important that they know how to help others and help each other in order to be a good team.

These are just a few of the many ways to deal with sibling fights, but remember that it's very important to lead by example, and they will learn from it; that is, treat the people around you with respect, including your children and your partner: Forget any behavior that involves yelling or raising your voice, threatening, and especially not using physical punishment.

The best way to raise children is to provide them with a solid foundation in emotional education . It's easy to say, I know… but I struggled a lot with the issue of yelling, threats, and even the infamous spanking, since that's how I was raised… The important thing is that we work on all the things we don't like so we can be better parents every day.

By: Andie Klingemberger