Let them fly is a phrase commonly used when children grow up and leave home. It sounds perfectly normal, and your intellect accepts that it's a stage of life.  But then your limbic (emotional) system interferes, sending alerts that something is changing, so your interpretation of that flight is no longer so pleasant and rational, but rather it seems as if something is slipping through your fingers. And if we analyze the phrase, "let them go"...  It already comes loaded with emotions, with someone trying to convince you to do something. So what if we change the phrase to make it more pleasant and truly a normal stage? How about "Let's fly with them," or "Let's fly together"?

Which phrase should we change?

I don't know if you've already experienced what I have, or maybe you will. I come from a very close-knit family, one of those where everyone lived nearby.  and  It was perfectly normal to receive attention,  The love and advice of grandparents, uncles, and cousins. That's what I imagined with my own family until society sold me the idea that living in another country was the best way to "get ahead." Now I wonder,        Better for whom? Ahead of what or whom?

Our story in Canada began in 2013. My husband and I decided to bring our children to that better life, and we packed our dreams into 10 suitcases. After 3 months  I knew Canada wasn't where I wanted to live, so I tricked myself into thinking it was part of the adjustment process. After two years, I realized the academic instruction was fantastic, and then  What I most wanted was to bring the Montessori Method to Guatemala as it was practiced in Canada; that kept me busy and preparing.

Then I accepted that I wouldn't be able to stay and live in Canada, that my children would be happy where we (the parents) were.  We were happy, and it pained me greatly to deprive my children of the opportunity to experience the unconditional love of living close to their extended family. Besides, there were other small details like the harsh, long winter and the scarcity of fresh fruits and vegetables.

So we made the decision to return to Guatemala, but not before leaving Canada.  An open window for our children. A couple of years ago, our children made the decision to leave home, taking advantage of the window we had once left open in that country.  Rationally, I was convinced it was her time to fly; I convinced myself that we would.  We had planned by leaving that window open. But again, the brain's most sensitive system comes into play, the one that senses and interprets the  emotions appear and say: I need to process  This emptiness, this goodbye, this hug I don't have, this need to feel like I'm in control even though I'm not.

I don't know what your experience is, but embracing our emotions at every stage of our lives is essential. The stage where children grow up and leave home to build their own lives is normal.  But that doesn't make it easy. We must understand that they are not on our side.  leaving them to fly,  Rather, they are integrating into the world in their own way. It should also be clear that the fact they don't live under our roof doesn't change the love they feel for us, just as our love doesn't change ours.  The memory of parents never disappears even if we don't see them. 

On the other hand, remember that adults need  to feel unconditionally loved.  So express it somehow. Also, accept that they need to make mistakes, fall, and get back up so they can learn and feel proud of their accomplishments. If they know your love is unconditional, they'll come home, recharged by your unconditional love, which will be their strength to move forward.

And finally, don't stop advising them, because although sometimes we parents believe that  They don't listen to us; scientific studies say the opposite. Yes, they listen, but  They assimilate at their own pace.

Enjoy every stage of your life, the bustling moments and the quiet ones, the times you spend with others and the times you spend alone, because each stage is necessary for your mind and body to connect spiritually and for you to return to your humanity. Human beings journey together, in community. I'm with you because one day we felt the same, we fell.  We grew up and we're still flying. Never lose faith because miracles happen today. Let's fly together.
  

Ms. Meiby Argueta de Perez

Clinical Psychologist. Master in Education

Certified Montessori Guide in Canada

Neurosensory Therapist

Fb: Montessori 4U