Imagine boundaries are like the fence around your house. They're not there to lock anyone up, but to protect what's important to you. But what happens when we don't set boundaries? Well, anyone can walk in, eat your food, sit in your favorite chair, and leave their clothes lying around the living room. And the worst part: you can't even complain because you never said you couldn't do it!

Setting boundaries isn't selfish or mean; it's a healthy way to protect your energy, time, and well-being. It's like saying, "You matter to me, but I also matter to me."

The key when you're not used to setting boundaries (because you think you'll sound rude) is to use assertive communication. Say "enough" gently but firmly, say "enough" with empathy, validating the other person, but without forgetting yourself. Uproot the belief that saying "NO" will make people like you less. The people who distance themselves will be precisely those who wanted to take advantage of your lack of boundaries, and those people aren't worth having around. The idea is to find a win-win situation so that the relationship is balanced. 

How to set boundaries without seeming like an ogre?

1. State your needs directly. Instead of “it bothers me a little when…” say “I need…” (Example: “I can’t answer work messages outside of work hours, is this very urgent?”).

2. Don't apologize for setting boundaries. You don't need to say "sorry for asking for this," because you're not doing anything wrong.

3. Don't over-explain. A simple "I can't today" or "I'd rather not" is sufficient.

4. Practice saying “no” without guilt. Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you someone who knows how to take care of themselves.

5. If someone gets angry, it's not your problem. The people who benefit from you not setting boundaries will be the first to get upset when you do.

Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but it's a long-term investment in their well-being.

So put that fence up tight and live more peacefully!

Wendy Figueroa

detailswithlovewf@gmail.com