A few months ago, I faced the harsh reality that the marriage I thought was "very solid" wasn't entirely so. And not because there weren't problems, or the difficulties most couples face, but when you're introduced to your partner's six-year-old son, in a marriage of fifteen years, there's definitely a lot to consider.

Like anyone else, I had the option to stay and maintain an irreparably broken relationship or leave, recover, and reinvent myself, so I chose the latter. I can say with certainty that I haven't finished picking up the pieces into which my life shattered, because this is where the journey through priorities began.

First and foremost, my daughters' well-being is paramount, because I have two wonderful and amazing young women who needed to emerge from this disaster, which arrived without warning, in the best possible shape. And so, between therapy, the support of a wonderful extended family, and a mother who refused to give up every day, I can say that we are doing well.

Fortunately for me, I never stopped working, so work became my second priority, and that gave me time to gradually choose, one by one, the situations I could deal with, analyze, and let go of. And so, after months of therapy and prayer, I arrived at this reflection:

We are so full of preconceived notions about what marriage is or isn't, that by the time we embark on the adventure of companionship, the expectations we carry and project onto the person we choose to share it with often overwhelm us. And don't misunderstand me, because even though my marriage didn't work out, I still believe it's beautiful to decide to share your life with another person. I have wonderful examples of strong marriages and people who truly decided to share their lives and their love for as long as life allows.

But during this time of reflection, I realized I wasn't prepared to understand that it wasn't forever, that it was "for as long as it lasts"... Because throughout the time we share with a partner, we change, we grow, we mature, we age, and not always in that order or at the same pace. That's where love, willpower, responsibility, and the conscious effort we put into making things work become important, but what if it doesn't? During this time, I didn't find anyone who told me I was ready for the separation, ready to accept the causes and, above all, the consequences.

I believe we must commit, prepare ourselves, and talk to those close to us, knowing that people change and that, if we are not prepared to change alongside our partners and accept these changes, life together is more complicated, but without robbing them of their dreams, happiness, and hope.

We must learn to talk about separation without resentment, with the firm resolve to learn from the experience, because when we started, we weren't strangers; we had dreams, we had hopes, and above all, the conviction that the person by our side was the right one. If, over time, that's not the case, that's okay. All changes in life should be accepted for what they are: simply changes, even if some are painful and hard to bear. So, while it lasts, it's perfect.

Now I can say, while it lasted it was good, while it lasted I was happy and now I am happy because I keep the good memories… And to those who still can't, cheer up, life will take care of the rest, and that sadness isn't forever either.

Written by: Elbia O. Escobar Sosa
14/10/2021