An intimate journey through those emotions that shake us when we are not "chosen." A reminder that our worth depends not on anyone else, but on learning to return to ourselves.

There are moments in life when the heart seems to overflow with conflicting emotions: love, anger, sadness, frustration, fear, and hope. As if an uncontrollable whirlwind swirls within us, repeatedly pulling us in to ask ourselves: Am I enough? What else am I lacking? Why doesn't he choose me?

These questions don't arise out of nowhere; they emerge when we are in front of someone we love, but who seems to always keep us in a secondary position, someone who comes and goes without giving us clarity, someone who leaves us with the doubt of whether we are really seen, valued and loved as we deserve.

This article is a reflection of those emotions, written from a place of vulnerability and with the intention of offering light to those who may be experiencing something similar.

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The swaying that confuses the soul

There are relationships where physical presence exists, but emotional closeness is lacking. This contradiction creates a constant wound. At times, there are gestures of closeness: sleeping in the same room, sharing routines, smiling from afar. But at other times, coldness, silence, and the decision to distance oneself emerge.

It's in this ebb and flow that many women feel the weight of abandonment. Not because we're truly alone, but because the emotional distance hurts more than the physical absence. It hurts when someone is close to your life, but far from your heart.

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The wound of not being “chosen”

One of the hardest emotions to navigate is the feeling that, even though we've given it our all, we're not the chosen one. This wound directly impacts our self-esteem. It leads us to wonder: What's wrong with me? Why are they looking outside for what they've always had within me? Am I not enough?

But this is where we need to pause and remember something fundamental: the fact that someone doesn't choose us doesn't mean we have no value. It simply means that that person isn't at the same level of emotional maturity or isn't looking for the same things as us.

It's not about "what I lack," but about "what the other cannot see." And that difference doesn't make us any less.

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When frustration turns into anger and sadness

Anger, sadness, and frustration are inevitable. They arise when we feel we gave our best, that we offered support, that we were there even in the most difficult moments, and yet we still received indifference.

The heart is filled with questions:

• Why doesn't he recognize me?

• Why doesn't he value who I am?

• Why does he seem to despise me?

These emotions are not a mistake; they are signs that we deeply regret not being seen as we wish. The key is not to get trapped in that cycle, because repeating the hurt over and over wears down our soul.

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Separate what is mine from what is yours

Here begins the path to liberation: distinguishing what belongs to me from what belongs to the other .

• I know what I am: a valuable, complete woman, with the capacity to love and to learn.

• I know what I offer: understanding, maturity, care, and growth.

• What he decides to do with what I give him is no longer in my hands.

When we manage to separate those two parts, we begin to release the burden of feeling responsible for other people's decisions.

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The power to return to myself

If this whirlwind of emotions teaches us anything, it is the need to return to ourselves.
Ask ourselves: What do I need to be okay? What brings me peace? What reminds me that I am already enough?

The answer is never about changing others, but about how we choose to treat ourselves. And that's where self-care, self-esteem, and self-choice come into play.

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Healing affirmations

Whenever the hurt of not being chosen is triggered, we can turn to simple but powerful affirmations:

• I choose myself first, always.

• I am enough just as I am.

• My value does not depend on someone choosing me.

• I deserve real, present, and free love.

• Their indifference does not define my greatness.

Repeating these phrases isn't instant magic, but it's a constant reminder that self-love is the foundation for healing.

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Embrace the anger and sadness, but don't stay there

It's okay to cry, to be angry, to write down what hurts, even to scream if necessary. Holding in anger and sadness only turns them into chains. Letting them out is part of freeing your heart.

But after expressing them, we need to take another step: choosing not to stay in that place of pain. Remembering that we deserve something different, that we don't need someone else's approval to know who we are.

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What this whirlwind tells us

Ultimately, these intense emotions show us:

• We still have wounds to heal.

• That our desire to be seen and loved is profound.

• That we have the ability to choose ourselves.

And, above all, that our lives cannot revolve around someone else's decision.

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A hopeful ending

Perhaps right now you feel like the whirlwind is stronger than you. But I want to remind you of something: whirlwinds don't last forever. They feel intense, confusing, and overwhelming, but in the end, they dissipate.

And when that happens, you will be left: stronger, more aware of your worth, and more capable of giving yourself the love you deserve.

You don't need to be chosen to shine. You already shine on your own. And when you begin to see it and experience it, you'll discover that freedom and peace were always in your own hands.

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📌 Final words:
If you're experiencing a whirlwind of intense emotions, remember: you're not alone. Many women go through this same pain. But every tear, every outburst of anger, and every frustration can become the seed of a new beginning. Choose to return to yourself. Choose to be your own answer. Choose to love yourself first.

By: Sheila Sandoval